Three Ways To Get Your Emotional Bank Account Balanced
Have you ever noticed there are people in your life who “fill your cup”.
They will be the first to celebrate a milestone in your life or reach the goal you’ve been working overtime to accomplish.
You can count on them to answer the phone at 2am when you’re having a bathroom floor moment and bawling your face off after a bad breakup or the loss of a loved one.
They will support and encourage your dreams, keep your best interests in mind (especially when you might not be) and will always have your back.
When you are in their presence you will be lifted up - somehow things are brighter and lighter than they were before simply by being around them.
They bring you energy. Hours pass without you noticing.
You can talk about anything, or nothing, and be perfectly content just being in each-others company.
These are your people. Your Tribe! These are the people who are making DEPOSITS into your emotional bank account.
On the other hand, there are people who tend to spend more time “pulling” from you than they do giving you intangible sense of love, worthiness, or value.
It’s like chaos – a tropical storm approaching when you see them pull up in their car!
It takes energy just to be around them. You find yourself mentally and emotionally preparing to see them, or after being around a “puller” you feel depleted and exhausted and wondering why.
These people are withdrawing from your emotional bank account.
It’s safe to say that everyone has a few people who withdraw from their bank account. The great news is that some people will make extra deposits in your life so you can allow for those who withdraw too much, but the key is to limit the exposure to the "withdrawers" and certainly to keep your bank account with a positive balance at the end of the day.
So what do you do if you have too many people withdrawing from your emotional bank account? Here are three tips for keeping your account balanced:
Evaluate if you need the withdrawer in your life. For real. If you have the option of just not seeing this person. For the love of God, do it. Why subject yourself to the turmoil it creates for YOU by being around this person. Trust me when I tell you, if the person is that much maintenance, they are too worried about themselves to even notice you're not around much anymore.
Limit your exposure. There are some people you really can’t eliminate, like a family member. Lord knows we'd like to "eliminate" a few on occasion but without going to jail, that's not an option BUT do your best to have fewer interactions if at all possible. Family reunion coming up? If your mother will give you the guilt trip from hell by not showing up then go. Certainly there will be a few people who you will love seeing but the withdrawer does not need to be one of them. Just do your best to gracefully stay away or if you're caught in a conversation simply say "excuse me" and walk away. Nobody said you have to be friends with everyone!
Be less available. What if you were just unavailable the next time a “puller” asks you to get together? They've asked you to meet up for dinner or a drink and you KNOW it's going to be a total drag and you'll leave having spent not only real dollars but feeling emotionally spent. Here's a kind way to decline; “thank you so much for the invite, unfortunately, I am not available that day/night/weekend.” If they press you for why you aren’t then by all means feel free to come up with a reason for being unavailable but honestly, you don’t owe them anything.
One of your most valuable possessions is your time. Guard it wisely.
Need a little help getting your emotional bank account back in the black (did anybody else hear the AC/DC song right then too)? Bring your challenge to me and let’s talk about it. Your first session is on me!
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