Mine goes like this…
After a quarter century of humming right along in life, things looked pretty great. Successful in nearly every area of my life; good job, friends all over the country, lived in some fun places and accomplished cool shit that alot of people envied but at the end of the day, if I’m being honest, I was totally unhappy with my life and had completely lost sight of who I was.
I searched everywhere for my “happy”. EV-ER-Y-WHERE.
I shopped. Alot. And I was pretty good at it if I do say so myself! I had a new purse, or pair of shoes, or some other sparkly thing to put in my closet on the reg thinking “yes, this will help”. Turns out, no. Still not happy.
I went on awesome vacations. Surely the sun and sand in a tropical location would make me happy, right? Nope.
Got a new job. A better job. With a big fancy title and made more money. Yeah, nothing. Still not fulfilled. Still didn’t feel like I was where I belonged.
Bought a house. Which, wasn’t a bad investment but even with all the fun shopping I got to do, it still didn’t make me happy.
I even got married. Not exactly the best plan buuuut seemed like a good idea at the time. Bet you can guess how that worked out…
And there was some other fun stuff —
I worked my ass off to make sure that I could please everybody. EV-ER-Y-BODY. Truth be told, I was WAAAAAAY too concerned about what other people thought about me.
Most of the time I agreed to do things or take on new projects out of either guilt or fear. Those are some great motivators huh!
If I was faced with really difficult decisions I was paralyzed because I had no idea WHO I was, how could I possibly make a good decision let-alone one that I felt completely comfortable with.
If you asked me my core values I’d be hard pressed to give you an answer. Pretty tough to make meaningful movement in your life (and be happy) if you’re wondering aimlessly.
And the real kicker…people absolutely thought I had my shit together! I mean, from the outside, I had everything. The job, the house, the man, not to mention a closet full of great shoes. But none of these things gave me the fulfillment and happiness I was seeking. Besides that, it was exhausting. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. A beating every single day to hold up the image that I was “great” anytime someone asked me how I was doing. Even worse, every day that passed, I was losing sight of who I was.
So I’m thinking…
That disaster went on for about 5 years. Ended in depression, divorce and a deep down and dirty dive into myself. But I had some help.