What somebody should have told me about self-worth
List of ways Erika thought she would FOR SURE be found worthy:
Being perfect, in every way; how I look, where I live, what I do (and don't do), what organizations I'm affiliated with, who my friends are (and aren't), where I vacation, my political views, my background, everything - just be perfect.
Work extra hard and extra long to prove that I am extra good at what I do and for god-sakes don't let them see me struggle or ask for help because you need to be perfect at all times (see first bullet).
Achievements and accolades; if someone else recognized my greatness then surely I actually AM great. Why would I think I'm great just because I AM? No, that can only come if someone else thinks it.
Money; change jobs, move to a different part of the country if I have to but just always make more money because then people will respect me. Side note: see second bullet for how you should be approaching work.
Basically, here is the tape that was on a loop in my head: "If I can just ___________ (that blank was people pleasing in every way) then I will be worthy of their love/praise/friendship/respect."
People pleasing. Have you ever tried to make everyone happy? Of course you have. That's what we do. Exhausting right! And how does it feel? Shitty. We're fighting a losing battle. Shitty. Shitty. Shitty!
List of ways Erika could have actually felt worthy:
Feel Worthy.
Yeah, it really is that simple. Why are you fighting for someone else to find you worthy of anything? You have no control over what they do (or don't do) and it certainly doesn't dictate whether you are, or are not, WORTHY.
Here's what you need to know; you are worthy of love/praise/acceptance/friendship because YOU ARE. Don't wait for somebody to give it to you. You were BORN worthy. Own it.
What do you make it mean when someone thinks you aren't perfect? Why should it mean that you don't deserve to be loved or cared about or respected?
Why does it hurt you when you think about a past "failure"? Was it actually a failure or was it just a lesson?
Why do you feel like people aren't proud of you if they don't say it? Do you need to hear it or is it the chatter going on by your inner shit-talker who's actually sabotaging your world?
Ask yourself WHY when you feel like you need someone else's approval. Is it because of something external? If it is, take a look inside. And holy shit that gets scary! Learning that I was worthy of love, acceptance, and just plain GOOD ENOUGH exactly the way I am was one of the most important steps I took on my road through self-empowerment. Is that were you are?
Write in the comments what your inner shit-talker says - lets dissect what that assholes chatter in your head sounds like and get some happy back in your life!
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xo
Erika